Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
