My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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