Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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