Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
