I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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