First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
