i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
