Im at strip club and am horny
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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