College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you would pick up someone in the library
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
