tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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