Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
