Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
