Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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