god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
