I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
