Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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