Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
