So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
