your parents love me but you hate me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
