You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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