Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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