i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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