So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
