we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
