Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
