I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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