I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
