I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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