Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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