omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
