I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
someone owes me an orgasm
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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