Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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