you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She needs sedatives and a leash
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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