onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
