i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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