there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
