So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
