i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
