whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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