I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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