If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
