Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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