I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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