worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
