Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
