Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
