Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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