Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
