you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
