just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
