Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
