Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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