Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
