my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i drank out of a bidet.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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