I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
