I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
