I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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